小气大财神 之 冷笑话 1

有一个患有精神病的人住在某精神病院里。
有一天， 病人坐在公园里的小凳子上埋头苦干地写东西。
护士走了过来，看到病人在忙着写啊写的，就问他：“你在做什么?”
病人回答：“我在写一封信给自己。”
护士心想， 哇。他还会给自己写信，不错嘛。
然后，护士就很关心地问他：“那么，信里的内容有写些什么呢？”

病人瞪了她一眼，
很生气地说：“你神经病啊！我都还没有收到信，怎么会知道？！？”

*嘿嘿*...

stinky boy

Yesterdae while i was walking home from the carpark...i passed by a stretch of yellow bougainvilleas. U noe how other pple always sae tat we only treasure the things when we lose or are about to lose them. Maybe a certain sense of nostalgia whenever i'm walking around our area these daes. i've even switched to jogging within the estate instead of jogging outside nowadaes...Trying to soak up every possible view of the home compound in all angles..and get them imprinted in my peabrain before they become rubble...hmm. =I

But anywae there was this stinky, probably around 10yr-old fat boy...welding a stick in one hand. and then with a swift flick of his puggy stubby arms...he whacks the shrub and hits a bunch of flowers off their heads. and then splash! a pool of yellows landing on the ground. urghz! i would have wanted to curse and swear. OK i din swear. but i was hoping that if he had a transformer toy..it shall fall to a horrible death and shatter into a thousand pieces. stoopid fat boy! he was obviously oblivious of me glaring at him..for he went about his stinky wae..trying to gather yet another stick. oh well...Wat does he noe about the plant taking darn long..and how much photosynthesis..before its flowers could grow to tat yellow state rite?...and it only took him a second to kill it. i mean...yeeshh...the flowers' gonna drop off sooner or later..but still he made them die an earlier untimed death. stoopid fat boy!

oh man..my heart really went out to the poor gardener who must have painstakingly planted the bougainvillea from a tiny plant to a slightly decent shrub tat it is todae. i tink tat our stingy managment probably doesn't quite provide a lot of funds to import huge flowering plants..so some of the small plants must have been grown from scratch...by a friendly initiative of the gardener. Deeply appreciated by ellie. and dats why i'm calling u names now..stoopid fat boy! Yesh..i'm a botany freak.

Can someone tell me...

...why doctors give drowsy flu medicine without an mc? this is some wierd question i have been asking myself since i was a kid... hah. And even if they do issue one..it usually covers one dae only... then wat about the rest of the daes tat we have to continue taking the flu medicine? so i gather it's either eat the medicine and fall asleep at work...or dun eat the medicine and feel miserable to death at work.

Fortunately i din really need the mc this time. it's just my ringing ears. Woke up on mon morning..and suddenly "woo...woooh..wooo" in my left ear. and stayed tat wae ...yah it's still woo-ing now... So everything seems just plain noisy..and i hear echoes..or undertones when pple tok..and the engines of passing cars become super irritating. mom said she had those ringing ears before too...it's like hearing construction piling all dae long~ oh man.
On the flip side..yesh... the first time i truly appreciated the tranquility in office...it's quiet enough not to pick up any echoes..so there's no woo-ing sound and i'm feel tat i'm normal once again... But once i step out of office space... every sound suddenly becomes amplified! the doc doesn't quite noe wats wrong with my ears..she said the passageway is clear all the wae to the eardrums. She's guessing that it might be mucus stuck in the pipe linking the nose and the ear..Or maybe inflammation along the pipe too. Dats how i ended up with anti-inflammation tablets and flu pills. Gotta eat them up and see if it solves the problem. But not to worry...i'll be sure to eat the flu pills at the end of the dae..cos industrious bee-me won't wanna plop snoring awae in office...

and before ringing ears dae..round-faced ellie spotted these favourite sunflowers at changi airport... nice*

Meanie mouths...

Yesterday out of fustration at work..i punched out the entry below.
And after typing it i felt a lot better. Tot maybe i was being too sensitive about things.
Then i related the story to a couple of frens.. and they all commented tat the mouths below were meanies. So i've decided not to leave this a draft anymore and publish it. Ha.

"
Just when the place is rid of poison-ivy-mouthed N..other potential evil mouths loom the place. Or in that sense..in cultivation.

So 2 daes ago..i wore my blue turqoise skirt with pretty shoes.
And yest i wore my half-length pinstriped pants.
>>flashback: the last time i wore the same pants..the same person who tokked about my skirt asked me "going for a bbq ah?"<<
Dun they read the Today newspapers? It's ok nowadaes to wear such midlength pants..as long as it's of pants material. And mine definitely is.
And todae i wore my green apron like skirt.

i was walking out to get my lunchbox..and met 2 of my male colleagues back from their lunch. Shorter saes "wah ellie..wearing skirt todae ah?" (ellie rolls eye). Then Taller followed behind and mumbled to Shorter "yah lor..getting more hiao"
...
...
i had a good mind to run back and make my retort. but my slower sarcastic mind could not come up with an immediate comment and by then my legs had already carried me out of the area to get my lunchbox.

OH. SO jeans are the A+ dress code..and everything else BOOS. And then the jeans must match with the dullest tshirt. Cannot have anything fanciful on top. Jeans are not even the formal attire for work in the first place lor.

No wonder my sis said tat male engineers are borrr---(yawn)---ring. i totally disagree..they are boring with a smelly mouth to beat. i rem i had a female engneer fren who told me a similar incident. The weather's so hot these daes..would prefer not to wear jeans if given a choice. And i do! But they dun.. if they like..they could try wearing a skirt too. And wats the big deal about wearing a skirt...normal girl wat.

And so wat if they do read this? Could learn how to respect pple and their dress sense. And use their big brain before sprouting off. Hmph.
"

Good Ol' Philosophy

Still remember that 14yrs ago..while in sec 2..we had a subject called Philosophy. Dat was conducted in a small stuffy corner on the 2nd floor of our sch gym..and overlooking the entire gym. --Just to digress...yesh~ this yr is my 10-yr anniversary from my sec sch graduation. no prizes for guessing this author's age accurately--
AS if the words of our philosophy teacher were not boring enough (i tink i will never forget tat she speaks sentences in the following fashion: "this example...is a...fine example...of boredom in our modern...................................age". i remember i was terribly irritated because she could never finish up the last word of each sentence in pace)...the room was equipped with a tiny wall-fan...all out to test our awakeness-threshold levels...
and we always had to bring along an A4 sized little red photocopied book of philosophy stories and sentences...from which we had to go through the sentences and dish out thought-provoking (more sleep indudcing!!) discussions.
up till now...i still dunno wat lessons i learnt from these..i mean my sec sch curriculum was full of quirky courses and unexaminable subjects. but these 2 sentences i always strangely remember. maybe cos they are somehow so duh..but yet so true.

All cats are animals.
But Not
All animals are cats.

Beats me wat i shd be learning from these.

But todae someone asked me why i dressed nicely (aka in skirt and pretty shoes) to work dat same dae. "Going out ah?" Usually clad in jeans and normal top. I briefly waved him off and said tat i just felt like wearing..no particular reason. And anywae the weather was so hot..i couldn't bear having my jeans sticking to my legs so i picked out a poor skirt which i haven't showered my attention on for a loong time. the pretty shoes were just meant to match the skirt. I think he didn't believe bcos he said something else which i din bother listening. haha~

so on my ride home..i suddenly recalled these lessons..and 举一反三...i can come up with philosophy sentences of my own too.

She who is going on a date* must dress nicely.
But Not
She who dresses nicely must be going on a date*.
*date can refer to frens' gathering..not only going out with bf lah

Yeah..so this goes out to U...anyone of U...who may tink tat All pple only dress up to please Other pple. Heh.